Agggh. So much on the calendar

 Our Heroine's calendar is kind of insane. 

She has Pennsic creeping up in a week and a few days. 

When She gets back she will be fully out of basement Apt and into storage unit sleeping at Amy's in 3 weeks the fourth week she is driving moving Her Roommate the Side Witch to the Windy City. (I can't imagine broom flying in that wind.)

Baroness war is 11-12-13  as well as the start of STL Renn fair. 

Every weekend will be spent sleeping in STL till OCT 24th.

Our Heroine is talking to her clients about changing her work days to Wed,Thu, Fri. For all of that so she is off 2 days a week in a row. 

Though part of her says why bother not like she has any were to be that 2 days in a row would help.

Also she is shopping for a place to buy. But she has been given the thought not to make that decision till after Ren Fair. Also it will just be more money for larger down payment. 

She has set the Goal for the 1 hr circle in IL around Havana because the Great and Powerful wizard of Aim has her Parent there and so she could either swoop in and get there faster or they can meet up and make the challenge of parent care gentler on her. 

Have had some Apartment buildings pop up in the perfect range and price. The Universe has asked her to hold up and not pull the plug on this just yet. 

Also the Laurel has offered crash space and suggested PA. And the Aprenti' sibling have suggested Ohio. 

A little part of her would like to run away east. But she likes IL for its politics. We convict our politicians not reelect them. But they are saying their states politics aren't that bad. 

There is a Peoria office that handles some of the area up in the greater area and there is a Springfield office that handles some other areas so if she wanted to stay in the homemaker health care field.

However by buying an apartment complex/duplex should be able to replace her job income within a year. 

She also printed 20 game boards today after work. 

The Heroine is busy

 Lots of things happened 

Our Heroine bought storage containers for the Wizard Child (who is 35) so her can clear out moving boxes and she can have room in the kitchen again 

She went to the charity place for a new bench for her client to be able to shower safely 

She ordered and received stock of knuckle bones for Pennsic 

She got to wear her new green dress and butterfly hair clip and loves the hair clip so much

She decorated friends at a wedding reception she went to. And it made her very happy 

She did indeed celebrate progress more then pout about set backs. 

She made a corn husk Dolly 

Her spider plant is happy and flowered

When she bought sandals to were with the dress and hair clip she got a bath suit in a buy one get 2 free sale. It is a 2 piece. 

She got dressed and realized the pants she put on are a size small. Her boobs now stick out further then her stomach.

  It has mostly been a good week the other bonus is she got to see her friend Kristan for a 3rd weekend in a row. 

She is purging clothes and packing clothes she can live with out for a while because while staying at Amy's she can't haul them all. 

Sad part is she didn't get to see a male friend she misses. 

Why clothes shopping sucks

 Our Heroine hate shopping for clothes and four shoes more than anything because finding clothes that feel good and shoes that fit is difficult. She is already burnt out from shopping going to four different stores trying to find shoes. She simply wants find a pair of black sandals to go with her new green and black dress. Maybe that's the number. One reason why does not like dressing up and trying to be pretty. Luckily she had no trouble picking out a color for her nails and her toes. Got a pedicure. Not a thing she's ever really done before.

Now she is emotionally tired because of the disappointment and energy hoping she could find shoes. 

She kind of wishes she could crawl in bed and just be for a while. 

Alyse she committed to driving a friend to SCA. And also selling her fencing gear. 

The time she might have hiked she spent looking in stores feeling ☹️ disappointed. 

Our Heroine picked up the courtier and headed to meeting. I was happy to hang out with AhzzA and Wiley. She also started selling her fencing gear.

Though many things were crossed off her list today, she's very unpleased with not being able to find nice sandals to wear with her new dress 

Figuring out the steps moving forward

 Still working one laps for relaxation 

Trying to get the miles in on the bike and packing up house

And preparing for Pennsic. Thinking of not bringing the camper. It just feels like to daunting of a task. To finish it right now. 

I have 4.77 for swimming am at 21 for biking and 33.5 for on foot. 

I have decided to give myself Grace if I can finish the biking I will aim also for 52. 4 on foot and finish the swimming for the 4.8 and be happy. This will mean I will not only qualify for the half distance shirt. But I am ok with that. I will have done the longest distances for the swim and foot portion.

Considering last Oct I was not even working out. It is all good. 

I will be merchanting at Simple Day which means I can inventory my stuff. And if I want to make anything I can. 

Manifested most of the money I wanted for a down payment to buy a new house. Watch me soar. 🪽 Stay tune for the summer that won't be forgotten. As low as it have ever gotten is as good as it will get. Letting the past be the past and living in the here and now is the greatest gift I have given myself. 

Goals for this week is to make a list of things that need accomplishing. (Better wording then todo list)

I need the weather to cool off down to say 77 for a day like Tuesday so I can go rent a bike and nail the rest of my miles. 

Universe called. Now we ride the wave.

Our Heroine and the Side Witch, drove to Chicago, Thursday in Chicago looked at the Sky land the Side Witch is moving too. And met a Raven for Lunch. by Friday Our Heroine was just overwhelmed. She ate a sleeve of thin mints and doom scrolled after work (she had walked 3 miles during work while her client swam.)

She as just down, and overwhelmed as such spent time sorting blankets and sheets to go to the animal shelter. Just so much at once.

On days like this our Heroine would like to crawl up in the arms of someone and have them tell me I am doing good and it is going to all be ok.

Universe sent an invite to Sat Aquasize class with the folks of Thur and Tuesday night. When feeling completely alone in my over whelm She needed that. 

Our Heroine is not sure where to look for a place to buy. And she believes a job change is in the cards. Not sure if right away. there is an The same company in places handling the north office in Peoria even. That handled the whole area up there. So if she chooses to move north she can stay with this company and get a different client. Her field is very in high demand. She could also drive large box trucks, dump trucks or busses. Of become a multi millionaire. The last one is the best choice.

Swimming helped. The water moving over her skin as she slides through the water. Saying the number lap, over and over in my head while counting the strokes and breathing in on the four stroke, as she glides through the water. Occasionally thinking about next steps in life.  Breaking life in to the next few steps it all slows down when swimming. 

Having only herself to discuss my next moves makes it challenging but in the pool she can have those talks in her brain. Four strokes, breath, four strokes, breath.

Our Heroine know she intends to stay in IL because she has a commitment to The Snood Maker, for the STL REN Faire. Further she may not have her 2 clients healed enough to move on. She doesn't like the Politics in MO. So she won't move to MO. 

The other choice to to go stay in PA. But she won't be doing that before Fair.

Till then she is sorting her stuff further and organizing and purging down even more. 

Questions she asks herself as she is sorting.

When did she last use this

When will she use this

Can she replace it quickly if she needed it and for how much money 

Is it worth paying for it to be in storage 

Does she physically want to move it 

Our Heroine owns/ inherited some things she haven't delt with and she is now dealing with these items. In Nov she is planning to take some to her sister in Oregon. 

As of Late she has sorted fabric and bedding. 

All the while Pennsic is coming and I have my camper to work on, and stock to make.

If she gets the trailer/camper done it will absorb some of the stuff from the house. Though most of that is from an area that doesn't have the same rush to remove it from the garage.

In the meantime. Counting laps is real but hard to remember to list in 2 places.  And sadly she broke one of her rings losing the emerald bead.

Looking forward to things settling down by Christmas. 😂 

Moving and the Vikings are trying to recruit me.

Our Heroine is Back from Chicago. The Side Witch has a move in date for the Windy City. 

Our Heroine goal now is to move out near or before then she might get storage unit to start sorting and moving her stuff into it. That way she will know what she wants to keep. When the Side witch moves our Heroine's Son the Wizard  boy will move up stairs and if our Heroine is out of there then Dear Daughter has a friend that will move into this basement apt. Our Heroine can possibly crash at the Wizard of Aim's while a place is closed on if she can tolerate our Heroine for that long. Depending on where our Heroine will be moving. She is getting pre-qualified asap.  It will be So very close to getting back from Pennsic. 

Right now she is going through all the bedding. There is enough to have 6 or seven beds extra for company ( she has had that much company before.) It is not needed now.animal shelter is going to get a bunch. 

Our Heroine would like  company to come hang and chat and keep her company while she sorts her crap, and remind her to eat and support eating good choices. Maybe come for an hr swim with her in the middle of it all. 

Our Heroine is off Sat and Sunday so sort sort sort. 

 After noon plans sunday with a bunch of crazy Vikings ( Cara, Patrick, Jessica, Pam). I swear the Vikings are trying to recruit our Heroine. However  Our Heroine haven't gotten over her norse past life Her  husband whomever she loved very much died suddenly in an accident and our  Heroine lived a long life feeling alone without him and she never got over it. so they shant have any luck there. She shall stay Tudor. 

Ragnarok & swimming

366 laps+37.25 = 10.83 miles

1 mile foot

5 miles bike

 Our Heroine went to Ragnarok with her friend The Courtier. It was much fun. She was not officially in charge of anything more required to do anything but she brought her games and taught them and entered teens and tweens and littles. Which is why she is a Regional Minister of Youth. She also threw axes and knives and spears. Visited with people 
and committed to going to Baroness war to hang in the Bar running games. 

And some other things she committed too. 

On Sunday our Heroine got home early enough to see her son the Wizard who was moving in. Then ran off to swim a Mile. She wore her size small swimsuit for the first time. While it is a bit snug the med one is starting to fall apart because of the chlorine. She still is not happy with her size or shape but she is trying to have a better attitude about her body.

Monday work again then helped Queen Dork move a shed with Her Gallant Dork helping me. Asked her not to keep finding large things for Our Heroine to move. While there Our Heroine also fix the strike plate on a door so it would latch when shut for them. 

The fundraiser for our Heroine's friend closed out and there is enough for a wheel chair or scooter that will help. 

And she is thinking of either teaching or Merchanting @ Simple day.

Feel lightly even when you feel deeply.

 14+ 352 = 366 laps = 9.83 miles

1 mile foot

5 miles bike

Feel lightly even when you feel deeply. Sounds counter intuitive, however it is not.

But Our Heroine didn't make herself change. It came when she let go of the hate the fear and even some Self-Loathing. Forgiveness is so powerful. But never is it more powerful then when the victim forgives themself. It only happened when she met someone who triggered a desire to be her best self.  She is not perfectly healed but she can now feel lightly now. Even though she feels so very deeply.  And that feels so good.

Healing not for someone else but still because of someone else is not a thing that was expected. The scars one day will fade 

If she's lucky then maybe she'll get to be have someone take a chance on her. 

But...they are proof that She is stronger then that which tried to kill her. 

_____________________________________________

It is dark because you are trying to hard.

Lightly child, lightly

Yes feel lightly even though you are feeling deeply

Just lightly let things happen and lightly cope with them

 ~Aldous Huxley

Pagan Picnic and being tied

 Our Heroine and the Wizard of Aim, Ran the Rampant Strawberry at the Pagan Picnic this week end with the Other Aim, the Side Witch and Mary Moon. Also Tess and Her Love. It was and Adventure. The Wizard and Heroine would be there both days with a pop up either way so the risk was low. Day one was super hot.

Day to was more manageable. Our Heroine made profit for sure. One novelty was a 3 rune reading with hand carved rubber stamps that they stamped on the arm of the client the client also received a business card with the runes description.

Our Heroine has been having Hecatate and Freya showing up a lot lately. Well she does love animals.evwn if she doesn't want to add to her pet collection. She wore her sorry I late I saw a dog shirt the second day. It was very popular. She also bought a new green dress she will wear to the Aztec's relationship celebration. 

Pack up finished at 7 and the Heroine was in the pool doing 20 laps by 745. 

Only did 20 laps.

She decided to take the next day off of exercise. Just her normal everyday work and that was all. She was even to worn out to eat properly she had a QT hot dog, bacon, and frozen berries. Her diet coach would not be happy. 

 332+20 = 352laps = 9.45 miles

Joining a race

Our Heroine went and had her nails cut down and acrylic layered on with gel polish so they are stronger hopefully she won't hurt herself any more. They are the perfect length for nails down a back. A girl can dream.

Our Heroine did a second day of swimming a mile. Then a third day. She is also from naly seeing the scale move again. She is looking at joining a 10 week go at your own pace race.

_______________________________

Our Heroine ran the aquatic class today when the teacher was out. She even chooses the exercises she hates the most. If feels like if she hates them they are probably the ones she most needs to work on. Our Heroine goes hard though she ups the game on each one she does. Cardio is timed but the strength training is by count. Cardio is 30 minutes long strength is 20 min long the cool down stretches. 

The Our Heroine swam 20 laps in 30 min but having went hard on the work out 20 was enough she is sore.  

It is official our Heroine joined the race.

She is also cutting parchment for a scroll for a Pirate friends aoa scroll. Next is art. 

167.4lb today 

237.25 + 94.75 = 332 laps = 8.91 miles

1 moon, 2 moon, white moon, blue moon

Was not feeling the third person thing today . This Sagittarius moon is the second this month making it a Blue Moon. So besides calling in this it is a releasing ritual kind of manifesting time along with calling in manifestation ritual time. 9 & 9 it is a house kind of number if you care please go live ok it up if not know I have a I release list and a I call in list. I could not find the moon after my swim till I finally asked the clouds to move so I could get a good look at her. 

 I told the moon the things I give to it to take. And then erased them from my phone list a List of nine things

 Also the 9 things I call into my life as well.

 I shall not share them all with you except for one. This month between moons I decided to give someone who deserves it forgiveness. I worked on forgiving me, for staying in a toxic marriage, for needing to for survival to care for my children. One of which is my step child so I would have had no rights to. I was a good actor at times when I was at the lowest points I acted as if they were some of our best.  I forgive myself For using that situation to care for my mother through heart attack and stroke. I also am accepting that receiving alimony is not wrong it is survival. I intend to build myself many sources of money income so as not to not need it. Besides I deserve love and will not let losing alimony by moving forward in love hold power over me. I forgive myself all I didn't know, and all I tolerated. I Release with this Sagittarius blue moon that grief. And it leads me to in many ways forgive my Ex not because he deserves it. But because I deserve it. I Release him. ("You have no power over me"~Sarah the Labranth) SO MOTE IT BE!

As you can see me and the moon had a long conversation. She was hiding for a while so I moved the clouds so I could see her in all her Glory. During that time I snapped some photos of her. Blessed be my Luna.

37.25+20=57.25 

57.25 + 180 =237.25

237.25 =6.37 miles

Just another day

 180 laps=4.83  miles 10 laps in 15min

37.5 = mile

Yesterday the our Heroine worked at home making Dinglehoppers for stock for the Pagan picnic this coming weekend. Then went to Aquasize and do laps. The Wizard of Aim made it to the work out so they chose to eat out together.

During dinner the Wizard of Aim stated she can tell if Our Heroine is in a Histamine flare or flare in general by her food order. Seems Our Heroine will actively check ingredients when not doing well.  Our Heroine's far speaker was at 6% so she pre called in for the SCA busyness meeting. 

Today was work as usual. Our Heroine realized she is done being a care taker and will be exploring becoming something new maybe as soon as the fall. She also took on a special request for a neighbor of second client and will we doing some cleaning once a month. Sigh  😔 There was a large wolf spider hanging out in the rest room of second clients tub. It scared Our Heroine buy surprising her when she went to fill the mop bucket. It's name shall be Athena. Or Charlie. Not sure.

Our Heroine scared herself by leaving in a rush to get C-clamps and baking pans for Lampworking before swimming. She left the oven on with a chicken breast cooking and only remembered when exiting the club of chlorinated water. She saw two 🚒 fire engines and had a minor panic as the memory came flooding in, She has never done that before. She called a person who shared the residency and they turned off the oven. The good thing was Our Heroine was racing to swim as fast as she could so she had max time in the shower since the club shut at 9 on Friday and Our Heroine got there at 8:05. She was leaving the club by 8:42

She took 15 minutes to swim. It would have been faster but she had hair under her goggles and they kept leaving the first 2 laps. 

Our Heroine might be ready to buy water 💦 🌊 proof bone conductive head phones. 

Since planned dinner was  in-edible she had to come up with something else to eat for dinner. The fastest thing was some vegan chicken that her daughter had and blue berries. 

Our Heroine need to plan dinner better. She is bad at feeding herself. 30 years of being a care taker leaves her a little meh if she isn't thinking of feeding someone else. 

She did eat salads for lunch 😊 

 

Dealing with others negativity

Our Heroine walked into her clients house to be hit with gossip & negative medical additude. Sigh 

Luckily it was a shopping day. Because the words kept pouring out, even in the vehicle  However in the Truckasaurus Rex Our Heroine put on her Witch play list that also has positive affirmations. 

They did stop the negative almost the second the music started.

This morning Our Heroine realized all her hair clips were in the car she wakes up with wild hair because she dosen.t sleep in a bonnet she needs to braid it for bed but again she doesn't It is a lot of work and she should put in the work but someday she dosen't have the spoons by bed time. 

Tonight the Witch Hat Society  is going out for dinner. The Side witch, the Wizard of Aim,  & Mary Moon. They are going to a place named Yeti. 

The goal is to go out at least once a month till the Side Witch 🧹 moves to Chicago Land.

Our Heroine believes that she will get home to late to swim today as such she will need to do twice tomorrow or attempt to do 20 laps instead of just 10.

 10  laps 

160 laps= 4.3 miles 10 laps in 16 min

37.5 = mile

replacing the scale #'s. And tools

Our Heroine is proud to have brought her lap time down to 15 min for 10 laps. Can't promise it will be that low every day but practice, practice, practice. 

Our Heroine has a rule she tries and live by which is don't buy the things unless you have proven you will do the thing first. As such she now has hand paddles and goggles also ear plugs. The Hand paddles help form. It is near impossible to turn arms and hands wrong while using them. It is nice to not have to clear water from her ears. And goggles are needed to stay straight in her lane and not hit the wall.

Our Heroine is not pleased with the scale however she is fitting in things better. She just wants faster results. She wants a tight stomach one that she would be proud of naked.

Our Heroine & the Wizard of Aim ran away to the woods. They made a 2 hr hike take 4 hrs as they stopped for rock hunting and photos a lot. 

 150 laps= 4.02 miles    10 laps in 15 min

37.5 = mile

Dingle hoppers

Today Our Heroine worked on Dingle Hoppers most of the day. Only leaving the Cave to do her 10 laps. 

The DQ app however nailed her as she was leaving the gym so non dairy dilli bar happened. 

ADHD and gym bags don't mix. Our Heroine learned that she has to have 2 towels and 2 swim suits and no gum bag. As such she has changed and a canvas bag and croquet shower bag. Gym bags are where things go to mildew. Though she does now have to have the windows down more to air dry stuff. She goes straight to the shower from the pool and rinses the suit as she strips it off then hand wrings it out. And hangs it on the hanger when she exits the show she hangs it over the sink in the locker room whild dressing. She hasn't left it in the sink since she started using hangers. The one piece shares the towel hanger. The only challenge is remembering to refill the shampoo & conditioner

A Dingle Hopper is a mobile with a fork on it. The name diriving from the Disney the little mermaid. 

Our Heroine will sell them at the Pagan picnic this year. They have sea glass and prisms also as such they work for sky and/or water. 

She is hoping to go hiking tomorrow with the Wizard of Aim.