Things that bring my mother back

 As the calendar flips so does life pass us by. 

I buried my cat Dott

 I did not want another pet when she and her sister and Calvin came into life. It was 2013 I was trying to figure out how to leavey marriage when mother had a stroke. I had a 17 year old and a large Dog (Kizzy) I was in school with a plan for the physical therapy path. When Oct happened. The cool thing is because I had those three year with what was left of my mother I think she made piece with her choices in life. I however moved her in with Calvin a 14 year old cat and 2 kittens Dott and Ruby. We lost Calvin in the winter of 2015 and my mother in 2016 then Ruby in 2020. Dott who decided from that Oct in 2013 on that I was her human (when Amber's now husband Shawn was not around) 

The Ex asked from the beginning if we could re home them they were kittens and family offered. But the amused my mother. He asked what happened when my mother died. I told him that is how people get cats. He was not pleased. 

She was a stinker from the beginning and she liked dogs for the most part. 

For the last 8 months I had a feeling something was wrong. 

She had a mass it seems in her chest. And stopped eating just before I got back from Pennsic. I watched her and tried to get her to eat tuna (her favorite snack.) that was when I knew she still drank and peed and her coat didn't dull or rust out as it has when she had been sick the 2 times she was sick before. I knew it was the end then the night of Aug 16th she started having trouble breathing. That morning when I was heading to work I looked in her eyes and saw she was still very aware, as such we went to the emergency vet. Were they took the x-ray that showed the mass.

I called and woke Amber to make sure she knew and had a chance to decide if she wanted to be there she did not but offered to come if I needed her and then I gave Dott peace.  Now she can run. With her sister. And my mother. 

Losing Dott closed the past. My mom's last living pet. Just as I am moving out.My children are grown. I am not Married. 

My life is starting over. Miss you kitty I still look for you in all your spots.

I am going the distance- I'm going for speed!.

I have accomplished the furthest for the swim and on foot but. At the moment I am at 35 miles for the biking. I have decided I will get the 56 mile bike done and settle for that I don't own a bike that I want to use and I don't have time to go rent one and do it so I am biking at the gym. I have 17 more miles to go after the 9 I did tonight.  Mon Tues Wed if I do 6+6+5 I will be done before Pennsic. I will see if I am up to doing more but I have no idea.  But I will have earned to half triathlon tee shirt 👕. 

I still have aquisized Tue and Thu. 

4.8 mile swim,52.4 miles on foot

_________________________________________________

 June 1st  –  August 9th

Our indoor triathlon is back! You have 10 weeks to complete your race! Participants will log their progress online. Based on your completed distances you will be awarded with a t-shirt reflecting your Tri level. This is designed for any fitness level!

Levels:
Half-Distance: 1.2 mile swim, 56 mile bike and 13.1 miles on foot
Full-Distance: 2.4 mile swim, 112 mile bike and 26.2 miles on foot
Ultra-Distance: 4.8 mile swim, 224 mile bike and 52.4 miles on foot

Agggh. So much on the calendar

 Our Heroine's calendar is kind of insane. 

She has Pennsic creeping up in a week and a few days. 

When She gets back she will be fully out of basement Apt and into storage unit sleeping at Amy's in 3 weeks the fourth week she is driving moving Her Roommate the Side Witch to the Windy City. (I can't imagine broom flying in that wind.)

Baroness war is 11-12-13  as well as the start of STL Renn fair. 

Every weekend will be spent sleeping in STL till OCT 24th.

Our Heroine is talking to her clients about changing her work days to Wed,Thu, Fri. For all of that so she is off 2 days a week in a row. 

Though part of her says why bother not like she has any were to be that 2 days in a row would help.

Also she is shopping for a place to buy. But she has been given the thought not to make that decision till after Ren Fair. Also it will just be more money for larger down payment. 

She has set the Goal for the 1 hr circle in IL around Havana because the Great and Powerful wizard of Aim has her Parent there and so she could either swoop in and get there faster or they can meet up and make the challenge of parent care gentler on her. 

Have had some Apartment buildings pop up in the perfect range and price. The Universe has asked her to hold up and not pull the plug on this just yet. 

Also the Laurel has offered crash space and suggested PA. And the Aprenti' sibling have suggested Ohio. 

A little part of her would like to run away east. But she likes IL for its politics. We convict our politicians not reelect them. But they are saying their states politics aren't that bad. 

There is a Peoria office that handles some of the area up in the greater area and there is a Springfield office that handles some other areas so if she wanted to stay in the homemaker health care field.

However by buying an apartment complex/duplex should be able to replace her job income within a year. 

She also printed 20 game boards today after work. 

The Heroine is busy

 Lots of things happened 

Our Heroine bought storage containers for the Wizard Child (who is 35) so her can clear out moving boxes and she can have room in the kitchen again 

She went to the charity place for a new bench for her client to be able to shower safely 

She ordered and received stock of knuckle bones for Pennsic 

She got to wear her new green dress and butterfly hair clip and loves the hair clip so much

She decorated friends at a wedding reception she went to. And it made her very happy 

She did indeed celebrate progress more then pout about set backs. 

She made a corn husk Dolly 

Her spider plant is happy and flowered

When she bought sandals to were with the dress and hair clip she got a bath suit in a buy one get 2 free sale. It is a 2 piece. 

She got dressed and realized the pants she put on are a size small. Her boobs now stick out further then her stomach.

  It has mostly been a good week the other bonus is she got to see her friend Kristan for a 3rd weekend in a row. 

She is purging clothes and packing clothes she can live with out for a while because while staying at Amy's she can't haul them all. 

Sad part is she didn't get to see a male friend she misses. 

Why clothes shopping sucks

 Our Heroine hate shopping for clothes and four shoes more than anything because finding clothes that feel good and shoes that fit is difficult. She is already burnt out from shopping going to four different stores trying to find shoes. She simply wants find a pair of black sandals to go with her new green and black dress. Maybe that's the number. One reason why does not like dressing up and trying to be pretty. Luckily she had no trouble picking out a color for her nails and her toes. Got a pedicure. Not a thing she's ever really done before.

Now she is emotionally tired because of the disappointment and energy hoping she could find shoes. 

She kind of wishes she could crawl in bed and just be for a while. 

Alyse she committed to driving a friend to SCA. And also selling her fencing gear. 

The time she might have hiked she spent looking in stores feeling ☹️ disappointed. 

Our Heroine picked up the courtier and headed to meeting. I was happy to hang out with AhzzA and Wiley. She also started selling her fencing gear.

Though many things were crossed off her list today, she's very unpleased with not being able to find nice sandals to wear with her new dress 

Figuring out the steps moving forward

 Still working one laps for relaxation 

Trying to get the miles in on the bike and packing up house

And preparing for Pennsic. Thinking of not bringing the camper. It just feels like to daunting of a task. To finish it right now. 

I have 4.77 for swimming am at 21 for biking and 33.5 for on foot. 

I have decided to give myself Grace if I can finish the biking I will aim also for 52. 4 on foot and finish the swimming for the 4.8 and be happy. This will mean I will not only qualify for the half distance shirt. But I am ok with that. I will have done the longest distances for the swim and foot portion.

Considering last Oct I was not even working out. It is all good. 

I will be merchanting at Simple Day which means I can inventory my stuff. And if I want to make anything I can. 

Manifested most of the money I wanted for a down payment to buy a new house. Watch me soar. 🪽 Stay tune for the summer that won't be forgotten. As low as it have ever gotten is as good as it will get. Letting the past be the past and living in the here and now is the greatest gift I have given myself. 

Goals for this week is to make a list of things that need accomplishing. (Better wording then todo list)

I need the weather to cool off down to say 77 for a day like Tuesday so I can go rent a bike and nail the rest of my miles. 

Universe called. Now we ride the wave.

Our Heroine and the Side Witch, drove to Chicago, Thursday in Chicago looked at the Sky land the Side Witch is moving too. And met a Raven for Lunch. by Friday Our Heroine was just overwhelmed. She ate a sleeve of thin mints and doom scrolled after work (she had walked 3 miles during work while her client swam.)

She as just down, and overwhelmed as such spent time sorting blankets and sheets to go to the animal shelter. Just so much at once.

On days like this our Heroine would like to crawl up in the arms of someone and have them tell me I am doing good and it is going to all be ok.

Universe sent an invite to Sat Aquasize class with the folks of Thur and Tuesday night. When feeling completely alone in my over whelm She needed that. 

Our Heroine is not sure where to look for a place to buy. And she believes a job change is in the cards. Not sure if right away. there is an The same company in places handling the north office in Peoria even. That handled the whole area up there. So if she chooses to move north she can stay with this company and get a different client. Her field is very in high demand. She could also drive large box trucks, dump trucks or busses. Of become a multi millionaire. The last one is the best choice.

Swimming helped. The water moving over her skin as she slides through the water. Saying the number lap, over and over in my head while counting the strokes and breathing in on the four stroke, as she glides through the water. Occasionally thinking about next steps in life.  Breaking life in to the next few steps it all slows down when swimming. 

Having only herself to discuss my next moves makes it challenging but in the pool she can have those talks in her brain. Four strokes, breath, four strokes, breath.

Our Heroine know she intends to stay in IL because she has a commitment to The Snood Maker, for the STL REN Faire. Further she may not have her 2 clients healed enough to move on. She doesn't like the Politics in MO. So she won't move to MO. 

The other choice to to go stay in PA. But she won't be doing that before Fair.

Till then she is sorting her stuff further and organizing and purging down even more. 

Questions she asks herself as she is sorting.

When did she last use this

When will she use this

Can she replace it quickly if she needed it and for how much money 

Is it worth paying for it to be in storage 

Does she physically want to move it 

Our Heroine owns/ inherited some things she haven't delt with and she is now dealing with these items. In Nov she is planning to take some to her sister in Oregon. 

As of Late she has sorted fabric and bedding. 

All the while Pennsic is coming and I have my camper to work on, and stock to make.

If she gets the trailer/camper done it will absorb some of the stuff from the house. Though most of that is from an area that doesn't have the same rush to remove it from the garage.

In the meantime. Counting laps is real but hard to remember to list in 2 places.  And sadly she broke one of her rings losing the emerald bead.

Looking forward to things settling down by Christmas. 😂